Morning Coffee: Jamie Dimon now regrets elements of his work from home rant. Two banks are cutting jobs thanks to AI

Jamie Dimon has had an opportunity to reflect. Time has passed since his rant about working from home was secretly recorded at a town hall earlier this month. Complainers have been fired and swiftly reinstated. An anti-office petition championed by staff has disappeared into digital dust. And Jamie? Jamie feels bad about all the swearing.

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"I should never curse, ever," he told CNBC yesterday, recalling how he'd declared that he didn't care how many "f*cking" people signed the petition, that he was annoyed with people looking at phones on "f*cking Zoom," and that, "Don’t give me this s**t that work-from-home-Friday works."

On reflection, Dimon said he's got nothing against people who want to work from home, it's just that he doesn't agree with them. And he's in charge. "I completely respect people that don't want to go to the office all five days a week. That's your right. It's my right. It's a citizen's right," he said contemplatively. "But they should respect that the company is going to decide what's good for the clients, the company, etc., not an individual...They can get a job — and I'm not being mean — they can get a job elsewhere." 

Where can JPMorgan people who want to work from home get a different job? Not Goldman Sachs, which also loves the office. Maybe Citi or any of the banks listed here? Maybe Revolut, which lets people work wherever they want and has already been seen availing itself of JPMorgan technology staff in London?

Separately, Jamie Dimon's profane rant also included a claim that JPMorgan hired an extra 50,000 people in five years that it doesn't really need, but who were required simply because existing staff weren't working hard enough at home.  

As JPMorgan staff return to the office and jobs are automated out of existence, those 50,000 people may become superfluous. Two other banks are also concluding that they have too many people, albeit fewer of them and not because of work from home Fridays and Zoom meetings. DBS bank in Singapore wants to cut 4,000 people because of AI; Bank of Ireland plans to cut jobs through "digitization" in pursuit of a "leaner organisation." 

Meanwhile...

Citadel Securities wants to become a market maker for cryptocurrencies. (Bloomberg) 

JPMorgan is setting aside $50bn to lend to risky companies backed by private equity firms. (Financial Times) 

Brevan Howard is having a hard time. “While it’s still a key player, the game has changed now. It’s battling it out with quants, multi-strats and a market landscape that’s less kind to traditional discretionary macro strategies.” (Financial News) 

Teresa Heitsenrether, the head of AI at JPMorgan isn't a technologist or a software engineer. 'But after more than 20 years running key businesses at JPMorgan, she was able to identify where the firm can best use technology to boost productivity.' That includes call centres. (WSJ) 

It's a bad time to work in sustainability teams in banks are jobs are cut and people reassigned. “We want to keep our heads down and get on with our job rather than make a song and dance about what we’re doing because things are fluid.” (Financial Times)  

Matthew Greenberger, Citi's head of real estate and lodging banking, is retiring after 24 years. (Bloomberg) 

Maybe European M&A is making a comeback. $10bn of European takeovers were announced this week. (Bloomberg) 

Americans making more than $250k a year now account for 50% of all spending. (WSJ) 

How to find a new job after a long period at one company. "As you write your CV, really interrogate your career history. Make a list of the roles you've had over the years and arrange it to show clear progression in terms of seniority and responsibility." (FM-Magazine) 

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