Morning Coffee: The painful popping of Jamie Dimon's private fantasy. Deutsche banker's daring plan

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When they look in the mirror and see a version of their ideal selves, some people see a thinner, richer, more beautiful rendering of the reality. Jamie Dimon, quite probably, sees himself in presidential mode. J.P. Morgan's CEO has long held forth about the state of America (witness J.P. Morgan's shareholder letter) and under him, J.P. Morgan is doing state-like things such as creating jobs to address inequality and addressing the issue of U.S. healthcare.

Dimon's presidential tendencies born of socioeconomic valor boiled over early this week when he suggested that he could beat Trump in an election because he's smarter than Trump, equally tough, and has made his own money. Dimon subsequently denied that he was running for president and regretted his machismo, but only after Trump dissed him and Gary Cohn came out as a fervent believer that Jamie would be a "phenomenal" president....

Now, presumably Gary hasn't persuaded Jamie back into the presidential fray, but the New York Times' columnist Andrew Ross Sorkin has some important words all the same: Jamie Dimon cannot become President because bankers are still widely despised for the financial crisis. The same goes for hedge fund managers and people known to eat small children.

"I was surprised at how much vitriol there is about the financial crisis 10 years later,” says Sorkin in Politico's Money podcast. "The amount of anger [towards bankers, in reaction to Dimon's suggestion that he would beat Trump] was so palpable and I think that to this very day it pervades the entire conversation.”

It's this anger that politicians like the U.K.'s Jeremy Corbyn regularly stoke on their Twitter accounts. For finance professionals like Dimon and hedge fund manager Crispin Odey to entertain notions of winning political power suggests an unawareness of its depth.

Of course, there is one banker who currently sits astride a nation state: Emmanuel Macron, president of France. Macron himself has caused a furore this week after informing an unemployed French gardener that there are plenty of jobs to be had in Paris. Jobs are available in, “lots of professions, you just have to go look. Hotels, cafes, restaurants. I cross the street and I can find you some,” Macron said. "When a 40-year-old former investment banker tells an unemployed gardener how to get a job, it grates," notes the Reuters bureau chief in Paris. 

Separately, it transpires that one of Deutsche's own M&A bankers cooked up a plan to dismantle the bank and allow the investment bank to spin out and find its own sources of funding. The Wall Street Journal reports that Charlie Dupree, Deutsche’s former head of mergers and acquisitions in the Americas, devised the private plan which he sent to Mark Fedorcik, U.S.-based co-president of the investment bank, and presented to CFO James von Moltke.

Nothing came of it. Dupree wasn't able to solve the question of how to attract investors for the flagging investment bank, or how to revive the enfeebled markets business. Von Moltke seemingly filed in the shelf for foolish ideas from misguided colleagues and - in the words of the Wall Street Journal - "felt that M&A bankers like Mr. Dupree are prone to want to break up companies and look to solve problems with deals." Dupree left for J.P. Morgan in June.


A young broker was unintentionally given access to sales figures at BCG showing exactly how much each of his colleagues was generating in revenues. He boasted about it at a party and shared the information with a close friend and former colleague. (Bloomberg) 

It pays to get married if you're a man. (Bloomberg) 

Goldman Sachs' new co-head of global investment banking, Dan Dees, is a father of six. (Bloomberg) 

Goldman Sachs is now joint first for investment banking revenues in EMEA. (Financial News) 

Voice in Gary Cohn's head forcibly warned him against becoming CEO of Wells Fargo. (Dealbreaker) 

Citi's stock is down 60% since the financial crisis and it's not as efficient as it says it is. (Bloomberg) 

How to ask for more vacation time. (The Cut) 

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